The Littlest Colgur: July 2008

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Was this for REAL?!?!?!

So here it is Sunday, and I am resting on the couch, typing to tell you all this...

Have you ever had food poisoning? IT SUCKS!!! I have had it twice in my life, the first time being the day after Ian & I's wedding in Mexico, and then again this past Friday!

Ian started feeling sicker, faster than I did. But when I woke up of Friday morning I wasn't feeling all that great. Ian and I both had important apts. that day, and we struggled through them both, but no sooner did Ian get home from his, and he started violently throwing up. Now, for those of you who know Ian well, he will refuse going to the doctor ALWAYS. So after awhile of him being sick, he came back down the stairs and said I need to go to the hospital...I knew it was bad. I called a friend of ours (Rich) because by this time, Chase had gone down for a nap, and he came and got Ian and took him to the hospital. Well, then I had a my apt. (over the phone) and no sooner was that finished, and the churning in my stomach started. This was a really scary time for me, Ian is in the hospital, I can't go and see him because Chase was sleeping, and now I am feeling sick...Who is going to look after Chase? OMG!!!

Anyhow, Rich phones me from the hospital to tell me that the nurses suggest that I come up and get checked out and to tell me that Ian is in quite a bit of pain. I say I will come up when Chase wakes up.

Well, the next bit is a bit of a blur, and I am glad that Chase slept for quite some time...Because once I started getting sick, I no longer could get myself to the hospital. There were a few more calls between Rich and myself, as well as Sadie and myself, but I don't remember too much of it...

Rich sat up at the hospital with Ian and then he went and picked up Sadie from work (as she got off work early because we had all planned to go camping!!) They were both up there with Ian and then Sadie ran into Dana (who was working) and Dana & Sadie had worked out that they were going to let Ian sleep while he could, and then Dana was going to come to our house when she was off work, and entertain Chase for a bit, and then I could go to the hospital.

How it really ended up playing out...

(And I sort of cut to the Chase in this part, because that is where it all is sort of blurry)

Around 3:30 Dana & Ian come through the door. (Chase had just woken up in the last 15 minutes or so) I was lying on the couch, thinking I was dying...but still convinced I could handle this, because I had in Mexico. So Ian was feeling like...maybe not a million bucks, but for sure a hundred...and helped me walk up the stairs. I just wanted to lay down.

Dana & Chase read books, and coloured with the chalk outside.

I have no idea when she left...how long she was here for...I remember at one point hearing Ian say he was going to make Chase dinner.

From there, the next part I remember was being very sick, and Ian coming up the stairs and telling me, "Coral, I really think you should go to the hospital." I agreed...Why is it when you finally think, "Yup...I should do that," does it almost become impossible to leave the bathroom??? UGH...It was awful. So, I finished in there, made it down the stairs, and got to the next bathroom emptied my guts again, and then got myself a bucket, and headed to the truck. (Sorry for the graphics!!) When I got to the hospital, I didn't get sick anymore! I was so scared of getting sick there! They put me on IV for 2 & 1/2 hours (Ian was there for 3) They gave me two bags of saline, and 1 bag of gravol. I still got sick one more time that night, a couple hours after getting home...But not since then! Phew...

Chase threw-up once while they were in the truck @ the hospital, but he is doing pretty good! I am so glad because this was brutal.

Anyhow, without having any family here, it was a bit difficult, but wanted to say "THANK YOU!!!" to Dana, Rich, & Sadie for all your help during this! We really couldn't have done it without you guys!!

Coral

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Missing her...

*** In pondering this, I am not asking for, or even trying to evoke any religous outlooks***

(I am not even sure what I believe today...)

Two years, seven months, & 5 days ago I lost my sister...

Today must be a sad day, because if you ask me on most days, I would tell you that time helps, although never takes away the pain completely. I would tell you, "I'm o.k." And I would mean it.

What I wonder so much of the time is this, if there is re-incarnation, if there is life afterwards of any kind, if there is a heaven & hell...If any of these things are a reality, and the ones we love are gone, and if they can "watch over us" how do we know? I look for signs all the time to see if in fact she's there. I would think that she would want to come and talk with me, to see me, and if not me, wouldn't she want to check in with my son? Does she know about him?

Does she know that I keep her pictures out and try and tell him about his auntie that is no longer here? If she is "checking in" and I just don't know, is it painful for her, to see me miss her? Does she feel like she is missing out on us? Is she happy? Is her pain gone?

How do you explain to children? And if it hurts to explain, do you hide the tears from your child? Do you let them see you fall apart? I know I am not the only one that has gone through something like this, and I know it could be worse, it could always be worse...Her children lost their mother....Her partner lost the love of his life....My mother lost her child...But I lost my big sister, and I really miss her.

I just wish that there was some sort of proof, because I guess, I don't always have faith in something that I can't see...

~Coral