Missing her...

*** In pondering this, I am not asking for, or even trying to evoke any religous outlooks***

(I am not even sure what I believe today...)

Two years, seven months, & 5 days ago I lost my sister...

Today must be a sad day, because if you ask me on most days, I would tell you that time helps, although never takes away the pain completely. I would tell you, "I'm o.k." And I would mean it.

What I wonder so much of the time is this, if there is re-incarnation, if there is life afterwards of any kind, if there is a heaven & hell...If any of these things are a reality, and the ones we love are gone, and if they can "watch over us" how do we know? I look for signs all the time to see if in fact she's there. I would think that she would want to come and talk with me, to see me, and if not me, wouldn't she want to check in with my son? Does she know about him?

Does she know that I keep her pictures out and try and tell him about his auntie that is no longer here? If she is "checking in" and I just don't know, is it painful for her, to see me miss her? Does she feel like she is missing out on us? Is she happy? Is her pain gone?

How do you explain to children? And if it hurts to explain, do you hide the tears from your child? Do you let them see you fall apart? I know I am not the only one that has gone through something like this, and I know it could be worse, it could always be worse...Her children lost their mother....Her partner lost the love of his life....My mother lost her child...But I lost my big sister, and I really miss her.

I just wish that there was some sort of proof, because I guess, I don't always have faith in something that I can't see...

~Coral